Are you kidding me!
by Ednylove
Summary: Yoai story. Envyxedward. Edward is having problems with life and meets envy through his friend Martel. Sorry summery sucks cuz I don't really know what's gonna happen I just know it's gonna have lemon


**That was embarrassing cuz I had posted this story a while back and thanks to "Perceptible Despondency" I realized my story was fucked up. What I mean is that there was all these programs of font size and spacings I hadn't realized were there so I'm sorry for those who had to read that here's a much better updated one. I've also changed some minor grammar errors but I don't think I got all of them. **

**Okay so I'm doing another story. Someone by my side will be my first priority. If you like it please tell me. Updating is now a problem because I have no internet at home anymore . And I have college starting on the 9th so it will be longer. So enjoy the story.**

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"Ugh today is turning out to be horrible. I walk towards my second period class which so happens to be P.E. One of my favorite classes since that pretty much all I'm good at, sports that is. I've been in everything from golf to football. The only sport I can't do is swimming. Since my left leg and right arm are fake they get rusted pretty easily. So anyways Al is so annoying sometimes, yes he's my brother but he worried to much to a point where I think is unhealthy. Here I am trying to earn us some money, since that bastard of a father abandon us, so I let my grades slip because of my night jobs. So I started not doing my homework and started flunking my tests from the lack of knowledge I was getting into my head. Therefore getting myself into this low predicament of having to get tutored by some guy trying to get extra community hours. The only thing I hate more than milk *shutters* is having to get help from someone else, and that's saying something because I hate milk with all my being. Ugh I feel sorry for the poor kid who is assigned with tutoring me. Oh well might as well release some stress with a nice game of dodgeball. Mrs. Curtis yells at us to get in a line.

"OKAY YOU LAME EXCUSES FOR HUMAN BEINGS. SEPARATE INTO TWO EQUEL TEAMS. IF YOUR NOT, THERE WIL BE HELL TO PAY!" She's pretty scary, but I'm used to it now since she was my personal karate teacher when I was still doing karate that is. I had gotten all the way to black belt at the age of 8 thanks to her. No really thanks she saved me a lot of trouble with bullies. Once everyone figured out I was a lot stronger than most high schoolers they just left me alone. However it also caused me to not gain anymore friends, and for her to kick me out for causing to much violence. I was fine with it though since I knew there really wasn't much she could teach me and we needed the money we were having to pay her. I hadn't even noticed the game was coming to a close much less that I've actually been playing the game until the guy next to me let out a blood curling scream when he was hit in the balls. I need to stop getting distracted by my thoughts. I turn to look at the other team to find that one kid I always have to battle against in dodgeball. I keep forgetting his name, I think it has some thing to do with jealousy or something. Oh well.

"Hey Edo your losing this time!" Damn he remembers my name and I don't even know his. Well that sucks, and he's probably just mad that I always beat him in this game.

"In your dreams kid." Sure he's taller than me but it doesn't madder cuz I threw the ball at him which he tried to catch but just managed to get grab it as it forced itself out of his grasp. Guess dodgeball ain't so much fun when someone could win and not even be paying attention the whole entire game. I go to the boys locker room to shower and get ready for lunch. As soon as the bell rings I see that one green haired kid leave with that Martel girl. Martel used to be my friend until I started pushing everyone away. The only people now that even talk to me are Roy, a smug bastard and very perverted thinking all girls need to ware miniskirts, Ling, also very perverted and always I mean always starving. If Ling doesn't get his food in time he passes out. Oh and Russell, how could I forget Russell. He literally went one whole year pretending he was me until he started to steal my stuff. That's when I got pissed and beat the crap out of him. I noticed I was now in front of the cafeteria. Damn I really have to stop daydreaming. I get into the line and quickly grab what appears to be a hamburger, but with the cafeteria you never know what it really is. For all I know it could have been a salad I grabbed. I not even kidding once I got a pizza or what seemed to be a pizza but turned out to be a salad. Apparently the salad had been there for a couple of weeks and no one noticed it until I grabbed it and complained. The lettuce had rotted and turned this brownish color like whole wheat breed, and all the other stuff in it made it look the toppings on a pizza. That made me gross out and I wouldn't even go near the cafeteria for a week, and now here I am eating cafeteria food yet again. I noticed I had spaced out again because when I looked around I was already sitting down and finished half of my lunch.

"Dammit! I did it again didn't I?" I asked my friends sitting around me. I didn't have to elaborate on what I had just done since they know me so well.

"Yep"

"Like always"

"You've been spaced out for 30 minuets dude how could we not notice? No that's not the question how could you not notice." Ling was the only one who made a big deal out of my spacing out moments, than the rest of them.

"Well I'm sorry I can't help it one minute I'm there and the next I'm gone I don't even remember half the stuff that I think about so it's not my fault." I said this more towards Ling since he is the one that gets pissed off by it.

"Whatever shorty just please tell me you'll be at the party this Saturday night." Damn him and his short comments.

"WHO THE HELL YOU CALLING SHORT YOU CRAZY CHINESE!" I yell at him completely pissed off since I wasn't in a good mood in the first place, but it seemed that neither was he.

"You! You short stalk! Now answer the fucking question before I rip you dick off and beat you senseless!" I see the others motioning for me to back off but I don't give a fuck since I was the first one to be upset in the first place. Ugh me and repetitive language.

"Shut the hell up Ling! And you know I can't fucking go anywhere on damn Saturdays! I have work and unlike you I actually need to go to you know survive!" I fume at him for a minute before I grab my stuff and leave my half finished hamburger and a stunned Ling, Roy, and Russell. I have never blown up like that. Well I've blown up a lot but never involving my personal life in the rants. That's when I notice most of the cafeteria was quiet and had probably listened to that whole scene, probably gossiping over it now. I walk out to where I used to sit for lunch in 9th grade to find than one green haired kid and Martel with some other people I notice the green haired kid with plenty of times. I just couldn't remember there names. I turn to go somewhere else when I see Martel look over to me with these pity eyes. How I hate those eyes! I turn completely around deciding it was best to just leave school completely when Martel stops me.

"Hey Ed want to sit with us?" She says. I look at her to see the pity gone but replaced with a true hopeful expression with a hint of pleading.

"You sure? I really don't know those guys and I rather be alone right now." I start walking when she stopped me again this time pulling me towards the tree.

"Oh it'll be fine! Here I'll introduce you to them. Plus this is where you used to sit so we just have to let you be with us anyway." Wow this is not the Martel I remember. Martel used to be the less threatening but not by much version of Riza Roy's girlfirend. I pull out of her grasp and question her.

"Okay who are you and what have you done with the real Martel?" I scowl at the look alike to just see her giggle and slap my arm. The fake one must you know because if she hit the real one I would have gotten a bruise.

"Don't be silly Ed come on." She re-grabbed my arm and shoved me into the lap of the green haired kid. I sit up and growl at her.

"What the heck Martel." I quickly stop glaring at her to notice the hands of the boy beneath me wrap around my waist and him whispering into my ear. I had completely forgotten that I had landed on him.

"Oh chibi! So nice for you to join us." I started blushing like crazy but Martel was the only one to know why since I only I trusted her with my deepest darkest secret of being gay. I struggle to push myself off of him to no avail.

"Let go of me you deranged palmtree! I don't even know you." He let go of me to mock me by putting his hands to his chest in a hurt like manner.

"Why chibi you hurt me. We even have P.E together. You beat me at practically everything." Like hell I'de know by that description I beat everyone.

"In case you haven't noticed I beat everyone." Then it hit me as to what he's been calling me.

"AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT ITLL BE CONSIDERED CANIBALISM TO EATE SHRIMP!" I yell at him louder than usual because he called me short twice and I hadn't even noticed till now.

"Wow chibi you have some strong lungs." He poked his ear probably trying to hear again. "And I didn't mean chibi in the short way but rather the cute way." He cocks his head to the side letting all his hair fall to one side and making him look really cute. Dammit Ed no bad thoughts now they could tell if you get turned on especially in these pants. I wonder if he really is a guy or just a girl cross-dressing as a guy to show how many gay people there really are in the world. That totally happened one time and she almost caught me being gay until the police showed up. Apparently she had rapped some girl cuz her little theatrical got into her head and she turned into this really phsico girl. I then feel a slap to the back of my head snapping me out of my spaced out moment. I blush from the anger.

"Dammit! Why do I keep doing that." I yell at no one in particular but I was looking at that green haired kid which I still haven't gotten his name.

"Umm... Well I'm not sure what you did but I know for a fact I didn't do anything." I guess he thought I was pissed at him for doing something since I did yell and I was looking at him at the time, but I couldn't help a chuckle that soon turned to a full out laughter at the guys facial expression. He was completely embarrassed for something he didn't know If he did or did not do. I got a bunch of weird stares but Martel was laughing with me and was actually looking happy that I finally laughed after so long. Once I started to calm down I decided to tell the guy he didn't do anything.

"Don't worry about it dude. I didn't really yell at you but at me cuz I have this thing where I start to space out, one time it lasted an hour long. I also tend to do weird things during that time and just stare and things and or people so when I go back to the real world I just yell at whatever's in front of me." I said the last part with a chuckle and glanced away, since I pretty much did the same thing I usually do, spaced out but this time I said everything out loud. I could feel my blush on my cheeks and the stares of eight people. To lessen the tension I decide to ask him his name.

"Ummm... Not to be rude but I still don't know your name." He finally gets out of his shock to smirk at me.

"Oh that's right I'm so sorry. I'm Envy." He points to himself giving me a huge grin. Which kinda creeped me out for a bit then went to the the rest of the gang pointing in turn. "The one that looks slutty is Lust." She gives him a glare that he completely ignores. "The sleeping one is Sloth, the fat ones Gluttony, that jackass right there is Greed." I notice Greed giving me this perverted stare and I guess so did Envy cuz then he punched the guy in the face knocking him unconscious. "The two guys next to him is Doug and James." They wave at me then go back to Greed to make sure he's okay. Envy doesn't bother introducing Martel since it was obvious we know each other, but he did seem curious as to why.

"So how do you and Martel know each other?" He asked doing that cute side ways looking thing that made me blush but before I could answer Martel beat me to it which pissed me off but was fine with it since I wouldn't know how to say it without hurting her feelings in some way.

"We're friends, and we used to hang out all the time before he pushed everyone away from him and then I meet you." So she still thinks of me as a friend? I'm glad, makes me smile that people still like me after being so rude to them. I them notice Envy stare at me with those same pity eyes I loathe.

"So you don't have any friends you talk to anymore?" Again before I could even open my mouth Martel was already answering.

"He has three friends but only because there as stubborn as he is and won't let him be alone." She said this with venom in her voice and a shove to my back which landed my face very close to something getting hard every second I stare there shocked as to what my face was being pressed to. However Envy the owner of this hard thing (dick) didn't even sound embarrassed at his hardening cock. Quite the opposite he sounded almost lustfull.

"Why chibi, meaning cute by the way, I didn't know you wanted me that badly." I blush and quickly get up felling my dick starting to harden at the closeness I was with his. Then in turn notice everyone else had already left including Martel.

"What? We're the fuck did they all go?" I ask trying to get my mind off the fact that my dick is getting harder with Envy's lustful eye in me.

"Well while your face was pressed to..." Eeeck

"No need to elaborate on that specific detail, please." He just smirks and trails a hand down my leg. I hadn't even realized his hand was on my shoulder.

"Fine chibikuns." I twitch at that trying not to blow it. "Well I guess you had spaced out during you know that time." He points to his lap while wiggling his eyebrows. Succeeding in turning me on even more that there was starting to be a noticed bump on my pants if you looked. "But don't worry it was like for 5 minutes so they just decided to leave. Dragging Greed since he still hasn't woken up." He looks down at his watch I didn't notice he was waring.

"Looks like we got 8 minutes. Let's go." He stands up pulling me with him. That's when I notice he isn't hard anymore but I am. What made it worse is that he seemed to notice as well.

"Well look what we have here. It seems my little chibi has gotten turned on." I mumbled a response to the short comment but it came out more like

"Don't little me call." What the heck is happening I'm already getting attracted to this dipshit. He probably even smokes and does all that crap cuz he smells like shit. Then all my thoughts just vanished when he pushed me to the tree and kissed me. I couldn't respond right away. His lips felt almost perfect against mine. That's when his leg rubbed up against my length and I gasped. Letting his tongue in. That's when I decided to push him off.

"What the hell are you doing Envy." He looked up at me cuz I had pushed him to the ground.

"Well I'm sorry but I was just having some fun, plus it seems as if you enjoyed it." He pointed to my pants were smirking at me with hungry eyes. I could feel my dick throbbing for more.

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**Okay I'm gonna cut it off there I'm planning on doing more I just want to see for now if anyone likes it. My other story is still my priority but I have a thing when it comes to the amount of words in a story. So I like reviews it makes me feel liked and I just like seeing if anyone really likes my story so yea  
I am now starting college classes in like 1 and a half weeks so postings will be late. And on top of that I am moving again for like the 13th freaking time so no internet at home. Sometimes I hate my life. **


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